Week sixteen and seventeen. April 14-27, 2014-The self doubt continues.

Week 16 was about getting over my race.  I needed to shake off the bad run and move on.  I did most of my workouts during the week and then headed to Clermont for the weekend.  Clermont started out horrible.  My group dropped me before I even got on the bike.  I finally ran into a few of them and they were lost and apparently so was I.    I had passed them and stopped to look to see where we were supposed to be.  I was at a curve so I do not think they saw me stop so I went back.  At this point they were taking off and I yelled to wait for me.  I followed but lost them and never saw them again.  I was so upset and so alone.  I had not signed up for this.  Riding alone in Clermont was not my plan. At this point I somehow ended up on a trail.  I was like crap what do I do.  I knew I was not going to get 80 miles in by myself.  So I stopped and checked Training Peaks.  Four hours is all I really had to do.  So since I was by myself and lost I decided to take it.  It was really pretty cool even though I was alone and crying.  I did actually enjoy it.  It had hills and it was shady and well there were no cars.  I even rode with some really cool people during some of it.   I took it for 25 miles.  At this point I decided to head back and then I was packing up and heading back home.  I was so upset.  During the ride I was like really why am I part of this team.  I know I would have never left anyone behind.  No one even bothered to check.  So I called Steve. He told me to just keep going and at least get my workout in.  So I decided I might as well do that.  Really an Ironman is done alone anyway so it is good mental training.

We were supposed to do a 3-mile run after the ride so I ended up doing that.  I killed the run and thought might as well go eat.  After I totally inhaled a steak sandwich I decided well let me take a nap.  Then it all of a sudden it was time for the Sugarloaf hill repeats.  I figured might as well get those done since I really need to get down the damn hills faster.  I was still mad so I just took off.  The first uphill about killed me but I got up pretty fast.  Then down I went and I was still slow but way faster than the last time.  I stopped to talk to Andy and I asked where everyone was.  He said a few people had left and I told him I almost left myself.  He asked why and I told him and he basically said well everyone pretty much had gotten lost.  He told me to go back up and at least let go of the brakes at the end.  I said I had done that the last time and he did say that yeah he noticed I had come down faster.   So I went back up the hill and came down even faster the second time.  I was starting to feel better about everything and figured might as well stay for the clay trail run on Sunday.

The next morning we headed to the trail and the weather was just perfect.  In the 60’s and overcast and a little drizzle.  I took off and decided I needed to take advantage of the cool weather.  As I was approaching mile 8 I saw that I could beat my 10 mile time and went for it.  At some point Derek caught up to me and said that I was running at a pretty good pace.  I told him I wanted to beat my 10 mile time and he paced me and I did end up beating my time.  So I thank him for that.  It felt good and I am happy I did get that run in.  I actually got some confidence back.  I know the run is what is going to get me across the finish line before the cutoff time in Coeur D’Alene.

This week I managed 86% of training time.  I am happy with that considering I am in such a doubtful state.

▪   Planned workout duration:  16:40

▪   Actual workout duration: 14:20

What I learned this week is that if I am going to get this done I really just need to depend on myself.  16-17 hours is a long time and I need to get used to it.  The swim you are alone.  The bike you are alone.  The only part to talk to people is the run.  So for the first 9.5 hours it will be my conversation and me.  This weekend was a good training session for that.

The best part of this week was getting a Facebook message from Susan from Sarasota. She said she had stumbled across my blog on Facebook and was inspired about what I am doing. She is about to start her Ironman training and thought what I had done at Florida 70.3 was incredible. This is great motivation for me. I can’t let people down right?

Week 17 is testing week but I decided it was also going to be about reconnecting with the team.  That really did not happen.  First our swim coach was out of town so not many people showed up for the swim.  Then it just went down hill from there.  I ended up doing my workouts alone, which was fine, but I could not wait for the weekend to reconnect.  Saturday came and Andy wasn’t there.  I found out he had gone to Sarasota.  There was a race and he has a group there.  I usually know about these things but since we have cut out my weight training sessions with him I do not get the updates anymore.  I hate that but I did have to cut that out of my schedule.

So Saturday was a swim test, a hill run and an easy ride.  I was so excited for this.  Did the swim test.  2000 meters at 42 minutes.  Not bad.  Could have been better.  Then to the bridge repeats.  Started out great.  Killed the first 2.  Joe even ran up to me and told me damn Espe you are really getting fast.  I explained that 20 pounds really makes a difference.  But then all of a sudden everything started breaking down.  My stomach started hurting, I was over heating and I was sweating like Leo (OMG he sweats).  I started with the chills and I thought no not again.  I managed the 5 repeats and had to walk all the way back and I decided to skip the ride. I got home took a shower and proceeded to sleep for 6 hours.  I was shocked.  I texted Andy to see if I should skip the 2 hour ride and concentrate on the 4 hour ride on Sunday and this what he said.

Andy mess

But he has no compassion. So I ended up getting up and doing the 2 hours.  Then I went back to bed for 11 hours of sleep.  When I woke up it was the first time since training started that I realized I forgot what it felt like to not be tired.  So I posted on Facebook.  This what my friends say as opposed to what Andy says.

Screen Shot 2014-04-27 at 6.20.36 PM

Love my friends.

This week I managed 82% of training time.  I really wanted to get 100% but well I just did not manage that.

▪   Planned workout duration:  16:00

▪   Actual workout duration: 13:50


Since it was a testing week I decided I want to check my weight loss results. I was blown away. I know I have lost weight but I measured today and I feel good about what I have accomplished. Results:

Start Weight 145 pounds. Current weight 125 pounds.

Measurements: Bust from 36.0″ to 33.0” Waist from 32.5″ to 30.0” Hips from to 37.0″ to 35.0” Gut (or what I call my keg) from 35.5″ to 31.0” (yeah keg is gone-sort of sad really). So total 20 pounds lost and 12 inches lost.

This week what I learned is that I really have not gotten my sleep in order.  I need to work on that. Seriously need to work on that. But I did say in my second week that I was struggling with that. Apparently hasn’t changed. Ok I will work on it.

Quote of the week is about taking each step as a goal. I chose this because it is true. I sometimes look at the big goal and forget that all the little goals to get there are just as important.

It is not enough to take steps which may some day lead to a goal; each step must be itself a goal and a step likewise.
–Johann Wolfgang von Goethe




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